god, I hate Harold Bloom so much. I can’t even remember where this hatred came from but just, fuck that guy. why is he everywhere? why is he tangentially mentioned or briefly quoted in every god damn thing I have to read?
ugh I have a quiz in my shakespeare class and I really would love to not go anywhere or do anything today and honestly I probably would be better off not being in public but I KIND OF missed this class twice last week so I feel like I just can’t miss it again especially on quiz day
why is everything conspiring against me. what if I never stop coughing and wanting to die. what if I’m still really sick on Friday when I’m working 2 shifts and I can’t get them covered
man, fuck this, fuck that, fuck being sick, I hate everything
FUCK fuuuuuuuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
a thought: I consider it a responsibility for me to try everything in my power to treat my mental illness so I can function and do right by myself and others.
not to try, like, drinking alkalized water and eating only raw kale and garbage like that. but to try many or most of the evidence-based interventions that are available/accessible to me and to make serious efforts to incorporate the ones that work for me, into my every day life.
I’m responsible for this. exercise is accessible to me, meds are accessible to me, therapy is accessible to me. it’s something I need to take seriously and HAVE to do, for myself and for my loved ones and my community. I have to try it and if it helps, I have to do what I can to incorporate it into my every day life.
ok so I saw this post the other day. something like: don’t tell mentally ill people to try and get some exercise, they’ve heard it before, you are not the first person to tell them this, etc
I’m still thinking about it. mentally ill people have also already heard “talk therapy can really help” and “there is medication that can work for you” and “if possible, seek help, it’s out there” and “there is hope”
look, I don’t want to hear about exercise either. I don’t know why I’d rather hear about art therapy and the therapeutic effects of body modification and the benefits of cognitive-behavioral treatment, than about exercise, but I would.
but exercise helps. it just does. it helps a lot. it’s a fact. I don’t know why I hate so much that it’s true.
don’t ever give un-asked-for advice, just as a rule. but if it comes up, you know, exercise is an important and valuable tool for mental wellness. why shouldn’t we bring it up and talk about it and strongly encourage each other to try it IF it’s accessible to us (just like any other kind of intervention)?
I’m having a hard time stopping fretting about everything.
I struggle with remembering to be kind to the people I love and I don’t know yet if I’ll ever get better at this.
I don’t know yet if I’m going to finish out this term and pass my one class and earn credits for the first time in years.
I can’t decide if it’s a mistake to be going on dates with someone so young. I’m not even so much embarrassed or super concerned with my end of things. I’m afraid I’m doing him wrong.
last night I got so worked up I gave myself hives again. I feel sick to my stomach and sad. what if I can never do right by others
“If you immerse your feet in icy water
you forget grief for a moment. I did this once, my
brother-in-law made us cross a cold stream barefoot,
that winter, walking in the woods—I was emptied, then elated,
blissful; but didn’t try it again. Grief
returns vengeful after you’ve repulsed it.”
— Alice Notley, from “I—Towards a Definition”
why do coughing and sore throats have to go hand in hand? it’s like if every time you got a wound your body also uncontrollably salted it.